Since my younger sister took the time to actually make my site somewhat interesting, I figured I should go ahead and put in a new entry.

Summer 2005 is here, and I'm in summer school.  Needless to say, much of my time is consumed by classes.

However, I've come to the realization that I really, really love So Cal. I enjoy waking up every morning, especially since I'm no longer in Riverside, and just love being down in the San Diego area.

Currently Watching Kindergarten Cop By Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller see related

I know I should be sleeping right now, especially since I have a morning class. But at the moment, I actually felt like writing something in Xanga. A rare thing it is indeed.

A lot of random thoughts pass through my head around this time of night. One thought that has consumed my thinking process for the past hour or so is the fact that the past affects me till this day. I know I should leave the past in the past, but I sometimes feel that I can't help how I react to certain things of the past. I don't think I am the only one that does this, but do you ever feel like you say you're over something but you never really are. You just say that you've moved on because you're dead tired of thinking and talking about it constantly day-in and day-out, just as all those around you are sick and tired of hearing the same damn thing all the time. In a sense, you do move on after time has passed, as the saying goes: "Time heals all wounds."

 Furthermore, you've moved and you're no longer the person you were before but  someone slightly or completely different. Not that change is a bad thing, for we are always changing, but sometimes do you want to recapture what you had or who you were before you had changed. Are you following my train of thought?

Even though I am still young, I am only 21 years old, I sometimes wish I still had that youthful outlook that I had when I first got to UCR. At the young age of 18, I felt as if I had so much to experience and to look forward to. Like most people that had just graduated from high school and were starting their freshmen year, you couldn't help but still feel confident and that nothing stood in your way. Anything was possible. The world was at your feet. I really wasn't quite as cynical as I am today. Now that my time at UCR is almost up, I still feel like there's a whole world out there for me to explore and experience. Anything still is possible, but I have a different kind of confidence I guess. When I was 18, it was a confidence that came from the ignorance of youth and lack of a 4 year college experience. Nowadays, I still am confident but the source is completely different.

I have a lot more to write on this topic, but I actually am feeling pretty tired. So I'll call it a night and say good night to all!

Yes, this is another entry and it has not been too long since the last one. I forget how Xanga can be a means of venting or just writing something down for the sake of writing.

Lately, and when I say lately I don't mean just yesterday or today but more like the present day, I feel like my old insecurities are returning. I still have a lot of them now, but I'm referring to the ones I used to have growing up. I don't really want to go into that because that is still something I prefer no to talk about. Because of the return of these insecurities, I find myself questioning and doubting the personal relationships I have now. Sometimes I feel like the people that I consider mysef to be close to, that we are not really close but merely friends considering the circumstances. I know that friends come and go as you get older, but there are some that stay with you for the rest of your life. Do you ever think that you're friends with certain types of people just because of the situation?

I mean, how much can your friends really know about you? Who, amongst your friends and "friends" really knows you? For the most part, most people go through life without really knowing who they truly are, myself included. The people that I consider to be my friends and "friends" are truly great and wonderful people, but I sometimes wonder if we would be friends if the circumstances were different. All the time, people are forming relationships with others that have different personalities and so on, but sometimes don't you ever wonder why you're friends with these peope. If there are too many differences, why do you remain friends with them?

Anyways, these are just some random thoughts. I'm at work and don't really have time to finish this entry but there is more on the way .....

Currently Watching Lost In Translation (Widescreen Edition) By Scarlett Johansson, Bill Murray, Giovanni Ribisi see related

Some months have passed since the last blog, and not much to report since then. Finally we're in the 10th week of the Winter 2005 quarter. Even though spring break isn't that far away, I'll be in Riverside. I guess there's first time for everything ..... Although UCR will be on break, RCC will not. So I am more or less forced to stay here.  

I've been thinking about this lately: whenever people ask me how I'm doing or what I'm doing nowadays, I feel like there's nothing really to say. I mean, all I really do is go to my classes, go to Oceanside on the weekends, and work. Not too exciting is it? And no offense to whomever reads this, but I feel like that's what everybody is doing. Whenever I ask a friend or someone I haven't seen in a while how they're doing or what they've been up to, they have the same response. "Just school and work. Nothing really." So it got me thinking, I know life is full of routines but don't people get tired of doing the same thing day-in and day-out.  I know in a sense, we all need that sense of routine but sometimes it just gets so boring.

This past weekend I was in the Bay Area, and it was definitely a nice change to leave So Cal. Even though I love living in Southern California, it still is nice to go up and see the Bay. It was a fantastic weekend because I had so much fun and the weather was amazing. I really haven't seen the Bay Area in a long time. For Bay Area standards, it was absolutely sunny and just warm enough to enjoy being outside. Not to mention I ate massive amounts of food. There was my Grandfather's birthday celebration and the family party. To add onto all that, I was able to see family I haven't seen in a few months. A nice, enjoyable weekend before I have to deal with the next two weeks.